Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Cracking the Case

A subject has been ruminating in my head for a couple of days now. Since Mother's Day in fact. I had thought I would just keep my turmoil and thoughts to myself until today, I happened upon somebody's Facebook status admitting that she has mixed emotions about Mother's Day. A big shout out to Hilary for liberating me and all those jumbled up thoughts in my head! That's exactly it. I have mixed emotions about Mother's Day.

I'm a good old sport and think it's a cute and well-intentioned holiday and definitely a time to appreciate the mothers in our lives. I don't want to downplay that at all. Moms are a big deal. And let's face it, they are severely underappreciated.

My mixed emotions include the expectations surrounding the day. At the risk of sounding like a martyr, my Mother's Day was all about being a mother and doing all the work that goes along with it. I didn't get a break. I didn't get to call my mom or spend the day with her.

Here's what I did get:
  1. A sweet little breakfast made by Sarah. Minutes later, the group demanded I return the favor by giving them breakfast.
  2. The chance to touch each child at the same time during Sacrament Meeting. With two on my lap, including almost 11-year old Ben on the left knee, Grace on the right knee, Emma hooking elbows while scratching my elbow on the left side and Sarah with her head leaning on my right shoulder.
  3. The Christ-like service of the family in front of us at church who split up their group to help occupy my little peeps who were not feeling inspired to behave on Mother's Day.
  4. The chance to sing a beautiful arrangement of Love One Another with the ward choir. It was so touching, especially during the practice that I was afraid everyone was going to notice that I was near bawling. That would have been embarassing. I just couldn't look at the sweet little lady in the front row with Alzheimer's because it just brought back way too many memories.
  5. Heard a great lesson in Relief Society about persecution whilst Grace was happily in nursery.
  6. An instant message conversation with Scott. His texted wishes were heartfelt.
  7. A great nap. It was heaven and gave me all the energy to get through the rest of the day.
  8. A Sunday stroll with everyone risking being looked down upon by the occasional person for doing such scandalous things on the Sabbath. GASP! I even let the kids ride their bikes.
  9. An opportunity to apologize when I got totally frustrated with one of the kids.
  10. Got a headstart on that blasted 4th grade county report.
The thing is, I didn't expect anything different. It was all good. Do mothers really feel that much better on Mother's Day? Is that all we need? I'm not going to buy that bill of goods. Mother's Day for many can be a day of sadness. It can be about loss, unfulfilled desires, feeling inadequate, disappointment... My good thoughts and wishes go to those who don't talk about that side of it.

Now for some feel good stuff....

Here's Sarah, my personal chef with her gourmet meal. She can cook eggs like nobody's business. Even does only egg whites for her big bro. I asked her, "how did you know how to separate them?" She answered, "I just watched you." The cleverest child. Watching her mother on any cooking task is risky.

The newest Mama horse we know. Cousin Amy's half arabian / half shire horse had a baby a couple of weeks ago. Grace was not afraid of feeding this big girl.

Happy Mother's Day to Peggy, the horse. With all that grass my kids were feeding her, she should be back to her pre-pregnancy weight in no time.

And of course, the bouncing baby boy whose name is coincidentally, Ben.


Kath said...

I will jump on the bandwagon of a mom who doesn't really enjoy Mother's Day and before this year, I would have been way spirited about it but just when I thought I would write off the holiday for a loss...here came this year and it was good. very, very good. Not because of gifts, but many small acts of service for me and my family that suddenly all became visible to me on that one day. Because of this outlook...one of gratitude. I couldn't help but enjoy the day. You continue to inspire and amaze! 3 more days, right?!

HILLARY said...

Thanks for the shout out :) I usually try to put up a good front on MD. I have to like it for my little ones who make me things in school. Maybe my dislkie of MD comes from my own mother. SHe used to leave on MD and check into a hotel. I get it now! My very best mother's day I' ve ever had was the one when my mom and I left for the weekend to a B & B. Best Mother's Day EVER!!!! I think I need to change the way I view the day, though. I want to enjoy each tender moment with my kids, just not only on mother's day!

liz said...

I think my exact words to Mike when we got into the car for church on Sunday were along the lines of 'next year what I really want is to be alone somewhere doing nothing- can we arrange for that next year? A day completely off.'

But then in r.s. they passed out STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!!!! And we all ate and chatted for 30 minutes before the lesson and none of the ladies had to do their calling, they were all in r.s. together sitting and enjoying the lesson and a fresh treat.

I agree, it's a conflicted day where I feel torn between being selfish for once and doing nothing, but then making sure my mom feels appreciated, giving mike the opportunity to aprpeciate his mom, and also remember how much I love my kids despite the fact it's the most thankless job in the world no one is ever fully perpared to take on or ever feel fully adaquite at.

I can't imagine adding a loss of a mother into the mix and the sadness and loneliness that would accompany the day for me in addition to all else. I wish you didn't have to miss your mom and that she was still here.

Dude. We totally ride bikes on the Sabbath. And you know, I think if the family is together enjoying each other it's between the family and The Lord how the Sabbath is spent the way that family needs it to be. I'm glad you are posting- more please! I love your writing style.

Scotty said...

All I can say is I married an AMAZING woman!

They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder-- I was not sure it was possible to grow any fonder of my dear Nancy-- but it has.

Even with the mixed feelings Nancy has towards Mothers Day, she is an amazing wife and mother. Just thought everyone should know.